Finding Peace

"Whenever problems seem to get the best of me, whenever I feel them closing in on me, I go to a quiet place that lies somewhere in my soul. I do not reason, analyze or think. Those will come later. I simply go. From this place of silence, I garner strength and inspiration to stand firm in the face of fire, to be calm in the midst of thunder. When I emerge, the world has not changed, but I have. And in changing, a whole new world is born."--John Harricharan

My version:

Whenever problems come my way, I find the place inside of me that is peaceful, calm, relaxing and I just let myself listen to the quietness of my soul. Sometimes she just gently tells me to shhhh and when I do, my mind lets go of those problems. When I'm calm and serenity surrounds my inner being even when I'm busy living my life, answers come to me one by one. In the calmness of my mind and soul, I find a peaceful way to move through obstacles which could otherwise produce dark clouds and thunderstorms inside my mind.

The Tiger In My Belly

She's not growling yet, but, I can sense her presence. It happens every morning when I wake up and a few times each day. She is only after one thing. Sustenance.

I've been depriving her of nourishment not because I want to but because I have to. I only have so much to give and my maternal instincts tell me to abandon my own needs.

I will not allow my child to go without. I can afford to skip a meal or two if it means leaving more for my daughter. She needs the nutrition more than I do. I eat. Only less than normal.

My daughter coined that phrase at home. Ever since she could talk, that's how I'd know she was hungry. When the tiger would growl, she'd say, "Mommy, there's a tiger in my belly."

She's not growling, but, if I don't feed her soon, I'll hear her loud and clear. I cana feel her though. She brings pain to let me know ahead of time. I think I have some oatmeal. Or, I could make tortillas. I don't eat much meat. That's about all my daughter likes. Well, that and junk food.

Her father didn't pay child support this weekend. That's why I have to do without. Plus, I don't have a job. Nobody wants to hire me. I'm tired of depending on him, because the truth is, I can't. I never know when he is going to help support our daughter. They aren't close and I have a feeling that one day soon, he won't be coming over at all. She won't want him to and he won't act like he cares.

Soon-to-be Published

I just received word from the editor of Women at Heart. She told me that the piece that I wrote will be published in the ezine soon.
By the information she gave me, it'll probably be published in about two weeks. Those of you who have signed up, I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am and I hope you enjoy what I wrote. And thank you.
If you want to know more, sign up and read the messages. It's aimed at women, so, I don't know if any guys would care to sign up. I may post it here after it's been published. I retain the rights, so, that won't be a problem.

*Note*: I'm re-publishing this post here, because I'm proud of it.

Previously published on another blog, Thursday, May 19, 2005

Monkey Business

From an email I got today: "Diana, let's play."

Okay. I'm game.

I must have seen references to that word, "play" at least ten times today. And they all were about enjoying life. Yeah. It's got to be a sign.

Monkeys love to play a lot. I saw a movie the other day with Brad Pitt. Something about 12 Monkeys. And time travel. One of my favorite subjects, even though I'm a skeptic about it. I've been seeing and hearing references to monkeys a lot lately, too.

It's driving me bananas.

Dreaming Butterflies

Well, not literally. I didn't see any butterflies in my dream, but, I think I was talking about the book I'm writing which does talk about them.

I don't remember much about the dream but I remember that it was winter and I lived in the old neighborhood where two people were killed within two weeks of each other (which is the reason I left).

I also remember being dropped off at a corner near that neighborhood.

When I moved out almost three years ago it was also wintertime.

When I woke up, I was thinking about me giving copies of the book to people I know. Like my sister for instance. And a woman I told years ago that I was going to write a children's book about butterflies and then dedicate it to her as well as my son and his girlfriend.