Waking Up

“It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It's my partner.”

-- Dr. Jonas Salk

Up until this morning, I hadn't been waking up to the sound of the alarm clock. I don't really care to be "alarmed" out of a good night's rest. I don't like for someone to come up behind me and scare me, either. I don't think it's healthy, anyway. It can be quite stressful on the heart.

Unfortunately, I've been going to bed too late and waking up after 9:00 a.m. By doing this, I don't feel as energized as I do when I wake up earlier. So, I set my alarm for exactly 9 O'clock this morning and, although I jumped when it went off, I recovered quickly and I have more energy now than I have in quite awhile. And I also don't feel like I've wasted half the morning sleeping.

Sometimes I don't feel it's a waste to get some extra sleep, but for the most part, getting an early start can mean getting more done and it can also mean getting some rest earlier at night as well.

I sometimes suffer from insomnia, so going to bed early isn't always that easy, but when I can, it's a nice feeling.

I woke up feeling similar to what this quote is saying. I found it in an email I read today. Another synchronicity.

A Heavenly Message

I needed this message today. Maybe you do, too. The right (meaningful) messages always seem to come at just the right time.

God said:

Be content with yourself. It is enough that I know who you are. I will work My way through you no matter how entangled you may think you are. I will wend My way through everyone.

No one on Earth, no matter how angelic and evolved, has to take it upon himself to educate you nor show you a path. I am well capable. Leave these things to Me. There is a Greater Power, beloved, and that Greater Power is not dependent upon any beliefs you may have. It is not dependent on you or anyone. It is dependent on Me.

All are equal in My eyes. No one needs to take over My place. Make room for Me. Have trust in Me. Truly, you serve Me, but My service is not dependent on you nor your assistance. Leave a sense of responsibility for others to Me. You are not one who saves souls. That’s my job. No souls are lost in the first place, so none need to be saved.

Everything is free choice, beloveds. I gave free will. If I can give free will, surely you can. Letting go of control is essential. Control makes you tired, beloveds. There is no battle to fight, no battle to win. Let there be no battle. Have trust in Me. Have trust in outcomes. You have to trust. You cannot presently see far enough. You can only see so far. Your vision cannot see all.

Nor is your heart to be dismayed because someone does not avail themselves of your love and wisdom. Never mind, they have Mine. I am never dismayed. I do not weep. I see where all travel. They travel to Me. However they come, it’s good. If they come by donkey or jet plane, it’s all well and good. Haste is not needed. You see emergencies, but I do not.

See Me at work even where there is apparent lack. Some will lag behind you. That is no concern of yours. Have no concern for another. No one has to do anything you want. No one has to do what you see as right nor not do what you see as wrong. You are not meant to be a supervisor on Earth. Because you shine My light doesn’t mean others have to follow your light.

Consider that everyone has his own spotlight of love with Me. You have yours. Everyone else has theirs. Be content that this is so. Do what you are doing, and allow others to do what they are doing. It is time now to let go of others. Free all others to their own path. Do not think theirs is a lesser path because you go a different way. What you see as a detour may be another’s optimum direction. Beloveds, you cannot presume to know what is right or best for another. You may think you do, but you cannot know.

It is better not to intervene in another’s evolution. Let someone else’s evolution strictly be between them and Me. Do not get up on your high horse when it comes to another’s evolution. You may like to ride a swift white steed. Someone else may like to ride on a pony. It is no concern of yours, beloved.

Hands off. Let someone come to you and ask for your assistance before you offer. Oblige those who come to you. Let them come as they will. You wait for an invitation before you go to someone’s house for dinner. Because they invite, doesn’t mean you have to go. So give the same privilege to those you invite.

Embolden others to go their way. Bless them on their journey. Trust that no matter how they come to Me, they will come.

Butterflies and the Cycle of Life

In an excerpt from Christine Pisera Naman's book, "Caterpillar Kisses: Lessons My Kindergarten Class Taught Me About Life", Christine has her young students write their names on paper caterpillars as a "get to know me" exercise. One of the children asked her, "If we are caterpillars now, will we be butterflies when kindergarten is over?"

What a good question. Metaphorically speaking, I do believe that everyone has the potential to turn into a butterfly. For some, it won't happen if they don't grow from the inside out. A butterfly goes through stages and so do we humans. Some grow quicker than others (I'm a slow grower).

If we just keep doing the same things day after day and we don't learn anything new and if we don't take risks, then we won't grow and we may remain a catepillar or we may stay in our cocoons our entire lives.

When butterflies break free from their cocoons, they are full-grown adults with the natural instincts to do what they must do to begin a new cycle of life. For we humans, life is short, but hopefully we have more time to learn and to grow. The key is to use our time wisely, doing what we need to do for the higher good of all. Be in service. Doing what we love. The more people who do this, the better chance for the next generation.

Lesson From the Monarchs

I do believe that God began sending me messages through butterflies. I have never doubted this and after the past few years, I believe it even more. Not because I have been receiving these messages lately, but because when I do, I get a sense of peace in my soul. It warms my heart to know that there are others who also receive messages of hope such as I do. Here is a story that is just one example of many about the spiritual symbol that is the butterfly.

Butterfly, by the way, is another word for "soul" and "Psyche".

Probably the most famous mythological story is that of Psyche and Eros (Cupid). In Greek Mythology, Psyche (Greek for "butterfly" and "soul"), the beautiful princess who, because of her beauty, captured the attention of the worshippers of Venus, the jealous godess commanded her son, Eros to make Psyche fall in love with the most hidious looking man.

When Eros saw how beautiful Psyche was, he fell in love with her instantly. But he didn't want her to see how handsome he was and so he hid her in a remote place and when he visited her, it was always in the dark. One night she lit a lamp and when she looked closely at him, a drop of oil fell on him and woke him up.

Eros was so angry that he left her. She searched the entire Earth for him until Aphrodite captured her. When Eros rescued Psyche, Jupitor made her immortal and then Psyche and Cupid were married.

This is just a short version of the story. I believe I found the best version at Myths-Dreams-Symbols.

Life's Lessons

Life is full of lessons, if you look at it that way. Some prefer not to see the lessons. Some may say that things happen and that's the way it is. No lesson to learn, it's just life.

I choose to see everything as a lesson for me. This includes the people who come into my life. Whether I like them or not, they have crossed my path for a reason. It may be just in passing or it may be for a few years or many. The lessons aren't always clear and sometimes it may take longer than others to know just what those lessons are.

On DailyOm, there is a spiritual message called, "Life-Your Perfect Teacher". I don't have one specific teacher. Everyone I come across has the potential to teach me an important lesson. I like the words that are suggested to be said in the morning:

"I acknowledge and honor the teacher that is my life. May I be wise enough to recognize the teachers and lessons that I encounter today, and may I be open to receiving their wisdom."

Wise words.

The message offers some examples of lessons that could be learned through others:

"A difficult phase in your relationship with your child may be teaching you to let go. The homeless person you see every day may be showing you the boundaries of your compassion and generosity. A spate of lost items may be asking you to be more present to physical reality. Trust your intuition on the nature of the lesson at hand, work at your own pace, and ask as many questions as you want. Your life has all the answers."

Happy Birthday Adriana

Today my daughter turned fourteen. It took me awhile to get used to her turning into a teenager and now I have to get used to her not being 14. I remember when I told her that she was no longer a pre-teen and how hard it would be for me to get used to it.

The older I get the quicker it seems th time goes by.

She's grown up a lot in the past year. she's a lot more independent and yet she still stays close to home. Thank God.

She's my youngest. The last one to be at home and I'm not really looking forward to experiencing having an emtpy nest. So, the best that I can do is make treasure the time we have together and make the best of it as much as possible.

I hope that we don't have a rocky relationship like my son and I had. I hope that she always knows that I love her and want her near. My son didn't feel that way. That still saddens me because I feel like I did so much wrong and so much damage to him.

I love all of my children so much and seeing them get older makes me sad and also proud to see them able to be their own person.

I love you, Adriana. Happy birthday, Sweetie.

Even Small Gestures Can Bring Hope to the Hopeless or Anyone

"We may not usually think that we have an effect on the lives of others, but we would be amazed at how wrong we could be. We do not need to make great contributions to the world -- just small, consistent ones to those whose lives we touch. We could help so many people by just taking the time to listen to them, comfort them or just bring them hope."

That quote is from an article that John Harricharan sent in his newsletter. I wonder how often we think that what we say or do actually can have an effect on someone. I've had people affect me in the most positively profound ways and then there have been others who have left me wondering why would someone treat another as they did.

But really, all I can do is look at myself and hope that I am making even a small positive imprint on their hearts. Sometimes all it takes is a smile. Sometimes just a small jesture. But no matter what you do, there is a chance that you will be remembered. Wouldn't you like to be remembered as someone shining their illuminous light?

Happy Birthday Brian

Brian is my brother who I haven't seen since I was around 12 years old. I completely missed growing up with him and my youngest sister. I don't even know where he is now. I don't know if he's still in California or not.

Brian was only 2 years old the last time I saw him. I have a picture of him when he was around eight. I was placed in a foster home and yet he had to stay with my abusive father. I could never understand why that happened.

I hope my brother is well now. I know he has one son, but I don't know his age. I hope to see them someday. Sooner rather than later.

Happy birthday Brian. I love you.

Busy Work

I've been pretty busy lately (even more so since July). Most of what I do is productive work. That which will move me forward a step closer to whatever goal I have set for myself.

In this article, Zen priest, teacher, and poet, Zoketsu Norman Fischer says that he does what he can do and whatever he can't do he doesn't do. Since there are only so many hours in the day, what is the point of stressing over a long to-do list? He says that maybe he'll do whatever he didn't get done later and maybe he won't. Because may there won't be a later for him.

He talks about living in the present moment and to remember that there is only one thing on the list to do at a time. And to enjoy life in the present.

I still need to work on living in the present moment in my life. Breaking the worry habit has been tough for me, but it's getting easier all the time.

Doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done can help to live a more relaxed life.

The only thing he suggests that I don't agree with for my own life is to release myself from being tired if I have a meeting to go to. Because if I'm in that meeting and I'm tired, if I get too relaxed then I'm very likely to dose off. Focusing on what the speakers are saying in the meeting can help, but having an extra cup of coffee works most of the time.

Synchronicity

Have you ever experienced synchronicity so much that you stopped being surprised by the events? Well, I still get surprised for a moment or two, but, then I realize that it means something and I hope for the next synchronistic event to happen. I almost expect it, even.

It happens to me almost daily. And each time I get a thrill because it's usually something that makes me smile.

Seven Ways to Transform Your Relationship to Stress and Anxiety

Stress and anxiety don't feel very good. At least to me they don't. Some people are addicted to it. Or rather, they are addicted to adrenaline. And yet I suffer from them anyway, which is nobody's fault by my own. Looking back through the years, it's not as bad as it used to be. The reason is probably because I've grown more spiritual which has helped me to grow more mature, too.

Things don't bother me as much as they used to and when I catch myself being bothered by something, I will usually stop myself by focusing on something else that is going to bring me peace. Oh, I don't always listen. Sometimes I'm cranky and I just don't care. That's when I need an attitude adjustment. Following the seven steps in this article, "Seven Ways to Transform Your Relationship to Stress and Anxiety" by Tom Russell, may help, too.

Breathing definitely helps. Pause and breathe. I do that a lot. Pausing helps to focus on the present moment and taking refreshing breaths is relaxing and energizing. Not getting involved in someone else's drama can also prevent stress from happening.

The last step is something I haven't tried yet. Hopefully that will never be necessary, but if it is, then it's something worth a shot.

Write From the Heart

It's much easier for me to express myself through writing when it's coming from my soul. That way I don't have to think as much. I usually free-write because that's when I know my soul is speaking through me. Of course I have to read it over and edit, but, at least I've got it down in concrete form.

I love to write. I've been doing it since before I was a teenager. I usually would write in journals or at school for English class. I never imagined that I would desire to have a career in writing. Now I think I know why. I always like the easier road to travel. And yet, I always end up taking the longest and most difficult way.

But I don't write because I'm looking to get rich. If I wanted to be rich, I wouldn't have chosen writing. Not that it can't happen, but, that's not the point. The truth is, I didn't choose writing. It actually chose me. I've practically given up on my dream to be published so many times only to feel the sense of urgency once again...and again of writing whatever I feel like getting out of my head or whatever my soul prompts me to write.

And now, I am soon to be published. Finally. No money, but, no matter. The time will come or I will die trying. Because I won't give up as long as my soul brings words to my consciousness they will always come out whether it's in journal form or a book. But, even if I never get paid to write, I will won't stop. Not unless and until my soul grows weary and my fingers can't type or hold a pencil.

edited
orginally written on another blog: May 4, 2005

Happy Birthday Anthony

Here it once again, my son's birthday. Now he's married and he's in basic training at Lackland AFB.

My daughter set the alarm on her watch for 8:44 p.m. so that she could say that 22 years ago today I had Anthony.

He was my first and my easiest to carry. He wasn't the easiest to raise because all of my kids are unique and I had to deal with certain issues differently with each of them.

Anthony has always been the most independent of my three children. We had our share of troubles when he was a teenager. Funny. Now that he doesn't live at home, my house is always clean. He just recently told me that he didn't think I wanted him to live at home. He understands better now. And even compliments me on my mothering. But I wonder if he really believes that. I hope not because it's so far from the truth. But, I guess if it's his truth then that's what he will believe.

He was a big pain at times, but thankfully he grew out of that. I don't think I was a good mother at all to him, but I am so glad that I was blessed with a son like Anthony.

I'm proud of him. He's a hard and dedicated worker and I know that whatever he ends up doing, he'll be the best that he can be. He's so smart, too. And he's always had a good head on his shoulders. He never got into drugs or alcohol.

I love you Anthony. Happy Birthday.

Dark Side of the Soul

Since most of what I write is spiritual and since I sometimes have dark, negative, mean-spirited thoughts inside of me, when I write something positive, I feel like such a fake. Because I feel everything but spiritual, I don't see how what I can be writing is the truth.

I believe it's the truth when I am feeling positive, but, not when the clouds are hovering around my soul.

It's Coming Together

I just finished reading a story which not only resonates with my life, but, also opens my eyes even more. Ever since I first noticed occurances in my life that were similar, I've been keeping a closer eye on what goes on around me and with me.

Back then, however, I didn't understand what synchronicity was and I was going nuts with all the signs and symbols I was seeing. And then it stopped...until more synchronicities began in different forms. Then I really started to pay attention and I noticed that whatever came to me, came with a spirit of peace. How can butterflies be anything but? I also saw kept seeing triangles. Usually upside down, but not always.

The more it happened, the more fascinated I became. After awhile there was no longer that great element of surprise, but, it still gave me joy. And it still does today.

April's Soul

1923 New Hampshire

Blue-Butterfly Day
by Robert Frost
It is blue-butterfly day here in spring,

And with these sky-flakes down in flurry on flurry

There is more unmixed color on the wing

Than flowers will show for days unless they hurry.

But these are flowers that fly and all but sing:

And now from having ridden out desire

They lie closed over in the wind and cling

Where wheels have freshly sliced the April mire.

I never knew this day existed until Adriana told me about it while she was looking at a greeting card site today.

From the internet search I've done, it looks like there isn't an official "butterfly day", so, I'm going to create my own. A few weeks ago I found a dying butterfly. Her body had been broken in half and her wings were torn up and so she couldn't fly. When I put my finger near her feet, she climbed on and I took her home.

April seemed to come to life when me and my daughter talked to her. She moved around more, but, we knew that it was only a matter of time.

I made her a comfortable bed with leaves and dandelions and a twig in a small box with some fake grass. She hung onto that small piece of wood until her last dying breath and her legs finally folded up. Her mangled and torn wings are still spread out showing their beauty.

So, for me and my daughter, I am making April 28 "Butterfly Day". It's the day when my daughter had a butterfly on her shoulder and when that same butterfly touched our souls. My daughter named her April because I found her in that month, she died in that month and it happens to be my daughter's middle name.

This is what April would look like without the broken wings and body. Although April's wind is broken and only half of her body remains, her beauty is the same. I honestly believe that God wanted me to see her and to bring her home with me.

Her body may be without life, but, I believe her soul is here in my house. "Butterfly" is, after all, synonymous with "soul". Now that I think about it, she is even more beautiful to me because she touched our souls in such a short time.

Only after her being with us for a few hours, my daughter said that she is like family. Yeah, I think so, too.

GeekPhilosopher Free Stock Photos

Previously published on another blog, May 13, 2005

Homeschooling My Daughter

Being useful brings me joy. I feel good when I'm contributing to the world in some way. In my case, I'm homeschooling my daughter. Not only am I teaching her, I'm also learning as well. I don't remember some things that I had learned in school. It's been a long time since I was even in college. Now, I'm relearning while teaching my daughter.

My daughter doesn't have to be exposed to a bunch of bullies who main purpose at school is to torment other children. She will have more time to concentrate on learning and she will have more confidence because she won't be around others who enjoy making fun of people.

She enjoys it, too. I've never seen her so excited to learn. It's sad that she has to hear guff from others. Her step-grandmother asks her when she's going to get her school pictures taken. I guess she's never heard of getting pictures taken at a studio before. ~rolls eyes~ The complete ignorance of people sometimes just baffles my mind.

Growth Through Pain

"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
-- Theodore Rubin

When we allow our soul to guide us, our perspectives are that from a spiritual point of view. Instead of problems we look at them as challenges. With these challenges we face, we learn lessons and our ego ceases to control our lives.

When we are pain, it's a signal for us to wake up. To be aware that there may be something in our life that wants or needs to change. If we ignore the pain we are experiencing, we will continue to experience it and it may even get stronger. For growth to occur, we must move boldly through the pain.